As Long As
by Cascade Waters
Summary: As long as I can feel you.... songfic


As Long As

by firechild

Rated K+

Disclaimer: The lyrics are from LeAnn Rimes' "The Safest Place." The characters in the fic belong to Cheryl and Nick.

Warning: Angst-heavy...

--

_Daytime, I'm fine, everything is back to normal;_

_Last night I thought that I would die--_

She leaned against his chest, her hand entwined with his, listening to his heartbeat. The rhythm, strong like him, was more reassuring than she could put into words. She'd always loved to lay on him like this, to steal moments when nothing existed that didn't exist to the rhythm of his pulse. Over the years, the careers, the meetings and the court dates and the two beautiful boys who had become amazing young men, these moments had been harder and harder to find, to take, to bother with; it was sad, really, how hard it had become to decide to do something that was simplicity itself. Now that others were busy trying to count the moments and the choices left to her, she vowed to do the hardest simple things as often as possible.

_I had nightmares, I was so scared--_

_Thank God that you were by my side,_

_To hold me when I cried._

She'd fought pitiless landlords, crooked public officials, power-hungry politicians, and vindictive millionaires. She'd been threatened with everything from disbarment to blackballing to blackmail to physical harm. She'd fought unflinchingly against those who openly wished her dead, she'd defended her name and integrity, and when threats had been directed at her family, she'd gone into the lion's den armed only with the law and the stubbornness that she'd passed to her firstborn. None of that had truly frightened her. This galled her. This shamed her. She hated to admit it, but for the first time in years, she was scared. No, terrified--blood, bone, soul-deep terrified.

_I wanna be strong, but I don't wanna be alone tonight;_

_I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right,_

_But I'm only human, and you've got a hero's face,_

_And right here in your arms in the safest place._

Cancer. It was such a small word for such a huge thing; such small cells that were quickly becoming the only things that mattered in her body, in her world. Well, she wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let that happen.

_It feels so real, I am learnin' how to trust you_

_With emotions I had locked away;_

_And it's your touch, your love--_

_They heal the deepest part of me,_

_That only you can see._

He would stand with her, he would lay under her, and when it came time, he would hold her up, hold her together; together, they would fight not just the disease, not just the loss of her hair and her strength and her control and her life, but the loss of what should be important--her husband, her children, her convictions. These things she would not allow to become lost among tubes and wires and wigs and arrangements. These things she would hold sacred--starting with the man who had held her sacred for so long.

_I wanna be strong, but I don't wanna be alone tonight;_

_I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right,_

_But I'm only human, and you've got a hero's face,_

_And right here in your arms is the safest place._

Out there, in public, she had to be strong, she had to be tough. Even with her beloved younger son, she had to maintain that core of steel. But here, with her husband, she could be honest, she could let down her guard and show her fear. She could be afraid with him, not because he wouldn't be afraid, but because he wouldn't be afraid to show her his own fear and apprehension and needs; she could trust him.

_As long as I am with you,_

_As long as I can feel you,_

_That's all I need to keep me hangin'_

_On and on and on and on..._

They'd leaned on each other over the years, throughout problems and separations, but he'd never really left her, and as she leaned on him now, she swore to herself that she wouldn't leave him, at least not until she'd said all that he needed to hear, all that she needed him to hear, until he understood what he was to her and what she was with him, until she knew that he would be okay without her presence, without her voice, without her touch, until he could feel her in every fiber as she felt him now.

_I wanna be strong, but I don't wanna be alone tonight;_

_I wanna believe that I can save the world and make it right,_

_But I'm only human, and you've got a hero's face,_

_And right here in your arms is the safest place._

_Right here in your arms in the safest place..._

_The safest place._

The disease would take so much from her, so much of her, and eventually it would take her life, but she would not allow it to take her out of him.

--


End file.
